Choosing the Right Therapist: Advice from Dr. Charles Elliot

Posted on September 28, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment
Recently, a friend talked about her luke-warm experience with a therapist for her anxiety disorder. It wasn’t horrible, but I knew it wasn’t everything she would have expected. In fact, this friend likes to talk through her issues, but stated that “all therapists are useless,” to which I had to continue questioning. Turned out, from her descriptions, it looks like she hadn’t tapped into the full potential of what psychotherapy could have provided for her, and just seemed to have a bad match.
Beyond this story, we’ve had questions about choosing the correct therapists, and so I’ve decided to share this post from the PsychCentral.com blog of Drs. Laura Smith and Charles Elliot. We couldn’t have said it better:

Drs. Smith and Elliot6 Questions to Ask About Your Therapist:

We’ve written about the fact that certain therapies work well for the treatment of anxiety whereas other approaches have little support in the literature for their effectiveness. Therefore, we always encourage you to ask for treatments that are backed by solid research. But getting the right therapy is just the first step.

Another issue arises when you start working with a therapist. Namely, how do you know that you’ve found the right match for you?

Usually, people feel comfortable with their therapists. They feel connected with and heard by the professional they’ve chosen to work with. That’s because “most” therapists are reasonably kind, skillful, and good at listening.

On the other hand, sometimes the match doesn’t feel right. That could be because your therapist reminds you of your mother with whom you had a difficult relationship or perhaps things don’t feel right for no reason that you can pin down. Such feelings are important and you need to pay attention to them because studies have shown that the quality of the therapeutic relationship contributes to how well therapy works.

You may want to ask yourself the following questions after you’ve seen your therapist for a few sessions:

  • Do I feel at ease in discussing almost anything with my therapist that I feel is important?
  • Do I feel safe when I’m talking with my therapist?
  • Does it seem like my therapist understands and truly hears what I have to say?
  • Does my therapist look interested in what I have to say?
  • Do my therapists’ reactions to what I say feel nonjudgmental and noncritical?
  • Does it feel like my therapist cares about me and my problems?

If you feel like any of these questions lead you to a strong “no,” or if several of the questions make you uncertain of the answer, you have concerns that should be discussed with your therapist. Having that discussion may feel difficult, but it’s important. A good therapist will want to hear about your feelings and will not respond defensively.

If the discussion ends up making you feel uncomfortable once more, you may need to find another therapist. You need to feel safe and comfortable with the person you’ve chosen to work with. However, there is one exception to this rule of thumb.

If you’ve had numerous problems in relationships with others and struggle greatly to feel safe talking with even your best friends, you may also struggle to feel comfortable with your therapist. If that’s the case, you may want to include that information in your discussion with your therapist. You might want to give your decision about seeking another therapist a little more time. But at the end of the day, you need to have a reasonably good relationship with your therapist or your therapy won’t work as well as it should.

Charles H. Elliott, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and a Founding Fellow in the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. He is also a member of the faculty at Fielding Graduate University. He specializes in the treatment of adolescents and adults with obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, anger, depression, and personality disorders. Dr. Elliott is coauthor of: Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies (2nd Ed), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder For Dummies, Seasonal Affective Disorder For Dummies, Anxiety and Depression Workbook For Dummies, Depression For Dummies, Why Can’t I Get What I Want?, Why Can’t I Be the Parent I Want to Be?, and Hollow Kids: Recapturing the Soul of a Generation Lost to the Self-Esteem Myth. His website is: http://www.psychology4people.com

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Posted in Parents & Family, Therapy & Medicine

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Tired, But Can’t Sleep? Learn to Turn the Thoughts Off.

Posted on June 27, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

Sleep deprivation in teens has been linked to depression, moodiness, and other mental disorders.

As we all know, sleep is essential.  It affects our mood, stress, weight, and energy.  Just like eating and breathing, sleep is natural and should be treated as equally important.  Without proper sleep, we are on track for disease, emotional distress and a general lack of well-being.

If you can’t sleep because you are stressed, taking time to address the issues at root is critical.  Getting your Zzz’s in, can help you function and allow for your soul to recharge.  It basically works like this: when we sleep, our bodies and minds recharge, we process our days, lives and experiences.  It allows us to analyze the positive and negative and let our subconscious play with feelings and symbols.  The dreams that we have while we sleep can guide us to our stressors.

If you are only getting minimal sleep, then our bodies and minds never feel as they stopped to take a break.  We all need breaks, and the more aware you are of what’s going on in your life, the easier it will be to take steps in the right direction to change it.

1. Write down what’s stressing you out. Make a list of everything that is bothering you.  Next write out possible solutions to this problem that you are having.  Placing these problems on paper allows a release of the mind and for you to concentrate on sleep.

2. Turn off your technology.  This disrupts sleeping patterns!  Have at least 30 minutes of time to yourself before bed.  You can read, write, and listen to music.  It’s good for the soul.

3. Use relaxation techniques.  Close your eyes and practice inhaling deeply and breathing out 8 times.  Do this for five minutes.  While you do this sit straight up with your legs crossed and hands gently resting in your lap.  Picture a blank space and everytime a thought pops into head, simply replace it with that blank space.  Focusing on breathing is a body relaxer.

4. Diet & Exercise are important.   Don’t down 3 cups of coffee per day and expect to sleep normally.  Sugar can affect you too.  Alcohol is another disrupt.  Try cutting some of these out gradually or minimizing them to see if you sleep better.  Exercise is important as well.  If your mind is busy but your body is lazy, you won’t want to sleep.  30 minutes of walking daily helps!

5. Listen to lullabies or sleep relaxation music.  This will help you to offload stress.  Oceanic sounds are very soothing and rhythmic.

By: Monique Volz

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Posted in Depression, Health & Wellness, Teen Life

Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

Posted on June 5, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

I’ve been thinking a lot about the end of the school year a lot lately. The amount of work to get done seems to pile up endlessly and it really it seems to really sneak up on you. Of course, this doesn’t apply just to students. Any professional coming to the close of a project, case or event is familiar with the sensation of entirely too much to do in entirely too little time. It can be extremely overwhelming and people use numerous ways of coping with the stress. I have said countless times how important it is to find things to help alleviate anxiety before it becomes too much to handle, but some people seem to be choosing inappropriate means to deal with stress.

Eating is one activity that seems to provide some sort of calming effect on people. We refer to certain foods as comfort foods for a reason. I can think of two categories of people who misuse food to help them cope with anxiety. The first group consists of people who convince themselves that they do not have time to eat and will go almost all day without eating anything in order to crank out a paper or finish up a project due the next day. The problem with this is that eventually you have to eat, and the meal seems like some huge reward and often it’s just that: huge. People will go all day without eating and then have a feast of absolutely everything in their fridge. The second group realizes that they are going to be hungry so they resort to only fast food and prepackaged food options. Obviously neither of these solutions is healthy. Waiting all day to eat will just cause you to overeat and become really fatigued afterwards and eating only processed foods certainly is not good for your body.

I have a couple of friends who are smokers and typically smoke a few cigarettes a day. That number can quickly increase to more than a pack per day whenever a deadline is approaching. Whenever they get really busy, it is like there is a tiny voice inside of their heads screaming at the top of its lungs to have a cigarette immediately. It is a self-perpetuating cycle, because once you give into that voice, it asks for more and more. Some people who have quit will resort back to smoking when they are feeling a lot of pressure. They all realize that it is not a healthy habit, but stress seems to win out.

Okay, let’s be honest; most of us know people who misuse alcohol when they are dealing with a lot of stress because it helps them to calm down. They will be busy working all week and look forward to that Saturday night when they know they have some free time to let loose a little bit. When you build up that opportunity to drink so much, it is incredibly easy to go overboard and have way too much way too fast. Drinking so much alcohol really does a number on your body and the hangover the next day certainly does not help.

I don’t want to sound preachy; as I’m sure you have all heard much of this from your parents before. If I can get you to at least think about how you are coping with stress, that is all I want. Having a healthy body will make you feel more energized and focused and keep your mind in tip top shape as well. You only get one body, so be kind to it.

-CS

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Posted in Eating Disorders, Health & Wellness, Teen Life, Therapy & Medicine

Anxiety & Depression: A Brother’s Perspective

Posted on May 10, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

Much is said about the difficulties endured by those suffering from anxiety and depression.  It is a dark, confusing, and often hopeless feeling shared by many but in tormented seclusion.  I am thankful to say I have never personally experienced this darkness, but I do have a perspective sometimes overlooked.  Though I do not pretend to compare my experience with that of someone who suffers from anxiety or depression, being the brother to a sibling with these personal struggles can be confusing and painful in its own right.

My younger sister developed a rather severe struggle with depression when she was in middle school and I was a high school sophomore.  It has taken me several years to begin to understand what she deals with on a daily – even hourly – basis.  It is sometimes hard to know where the line is between what I need to know and what is best left between her and her doctors and our parents.  I want to show my sister love, but sometimes it is difficult to know whether saying the comforting thing will be beneficial to her progress, or if I am even saying something true.  However, I have found that most of the time it doesn’t matter – the point is that I take the time to care and be as supportive as she needs me to be at that moment.  [I want to make one clear distinction – acting in a loving way does not mean allowing a destructive habit or thought process to continue because you feel it is too difficult to correct at the moment.  Enabling is not showing love, it is doing harm – particularly when it comes from a trusted family member.]  This is where the confusion, in my experience, has come from.  When is something I say counterproductive to what my sister has worked on with her counselor?  In this sense, it is important to be kept in the loop as much as is deemed appropriate by the doctors, parents, and sibling involved.  However, I’ve found it doesn’t necessarily take a lot of knowledge of the intimate details of my sister’s struggles in order to be a supportive brother.  I can show love by simply listening when she needs to talk; by staying silent and simply sitting with her when she has no words but wants to feel accompanied; by providing an uplifting or humorous distraction; and by giving gentle reminders that all the work she does with any number of rotating doctors and counselors is all in her best interest and will eventually pay off.  Sometimes it is hard to believe these kinds of things from professionals, friends, or parents, but for some reason hearing it from a sibling can carry a little more weight.

If you are a sibling to someone struggling with anxiety or depression, I urge you not to give up.  Seeing you give up or withdraw from being a pillar in your sibling’s support system will have no positive impact on his or her treatment.  To a depressed or anxious person, the perception of a sibling not caring or – even worse – showing signs of shame to be associated with him or her will almost certainly do damage.  To be supportive and loving, you do not need to know anything about psychology or counseling therapy.  The only thing you need to know is how to show your sibling that you love him or her no matter what their thoughts, behaviors, struggles, or triumphs may be.  Simply knowing that a sibling cares and is willing to be as invested in the process as necessary may be the thing that gets your sibling through the next bout with panicked or depressed thoughts.  You can model how to “hang in there” by doing so yourself, even if you are confused about all the details of it.  The details aren’t your concern – showing love is.

By: Josh Anderson

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Posted in Depression, Parents & Family

How Do You Relax? A Little Bit Each Day

Posted on April 26, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

My high school geometry teacher used to stress the importance of attendance, but she also acknowledged that it was okay for each of us to miss at least one class each trimester as a “mental health day.” It sounds kind of appealing to take a day off from all responsibilities, but I’m not really sure I ever want to get to the point where I need to take an entire day off in order to relieve all of the stress in my life.  We live in such a fast paced world and it seems like no one ever slows down to take some time to just relax. This can’t be healthy since everyone experiences as least some anxiety. We need to have our priorities in order and I for one think that our mental health should be at the top of the list.

Everyone should find something to help them relax that can easily be incorporated into daily life. Getting an hour long massage is relaxing for me, but sadly not practical. Perhaps someday I’ll have the financial means to hire a live in masseuse, but until then I have several other activities that help me to relax. I set aside time every night that I am home to cook and enjoy a meal. I like to have about 20 or so minutes before I go to bed to read either a book or a magazine to help slow down my mind. One of my favorite things is my weekly call to my parents. We talk for at least an hour every Monday night. Just be sure that whatever you choose, it helps you to slow down and relax.

Of course we are all so busy these days that sometimes it seems impossible to set aside time simply for relaxing. I’m absolutely guilty of claiming that I am too busy to do any number of things. Everyone thinks that they don’t have time to relax. I’m just going to say it right now, yes you do. I don’t know a single person who can’t spare 20-30 minutes especially for something that will be beneficial to their mental wellbeing. There are loads of things that are important such as jobs, families, clubs, sports, pets but you are just as important.

Basically I have three rules here: 1. Find something that makes you feel relaxed 2. Set aside time specifically for that activity and make it part of your daily routine 3. You are not ever allowed to feel guilty for taking that time for yourself. So go ahead and relax. It will do wonders for your mind and body and hopefully prevent you from having to take a “mental health day.”

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Posted in Health & Wellness, Other Mental Health

HAHAHAHA!!! …Thoughts On Laughing When It Hurts

Posted on March 31, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

Happy April Fools Day!!!!!!

OKAY, almost gotcha, but think about tomorrow. Have you ever been hanging out with a few friends who cannot stop laughing?  Does it irritate you and make you feel like you’re not happy because you’re not laughing?  I know there has been times when I’m feeling down that my laughing friends l don’t help me at all.  Sometimes you just want some sympathy, right?

This may in fact be the case, however, it is said that laughing is actually a form of therapy—it’s good for you!  It turns out that laughter; both a physiological and psychological form of therapy, may provide benefits you probably haven’t imagined.  One way the simple act of laughing can benefit you is that it may rebalance the chemistry of your stress and tension.

social anxiety party

(Source: Toothpaste For Dinner: http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/062409)

If I think back to moments where I have laughed so hard my stomach hurts, I remember experiencing the rebalance of stress and tension to happiness.  Also, when you start laughing more often, you often experience less moments of tension because you find more things to laugh about.  All of this may lead to a less intense and high-strung attitude!

Start laughing more.  Start enjoying those funny moments in life.  It’s good for you.

-Jared Scharpen

now im a superhero

( Source: Natalie Dee: http://www.nataliedee.com/050908)

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Posted in Depression, Other Mental Health, Therapy & Medicine

Body Image Week: Learning to Love Yourself

Posted on February 22, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

By: Monique Volz

Body image week begins Monday, February 21, 2011.  This awareness week was created to help promote healthy living, eating, and overall wellbeing in teens and young adults.

According to the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA), over 50% of teenage girls and almost 33% of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives. Nearly 25% of all college-aged women, and an increasing number of men, engage in binging and purging as a weight-management technique to meet unnatural and unhealthy body image expectations.

With more teenagers developing some type of disordered eating, it’s important to recognize the symptoms and the difference between what’s normal and what’s not when it comes to eating.

Types of eating disorders
The two most common types of eating disorders are Anorexia Nervosa and bulimia nervous.  Anorexia is characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss.  Typical symptoms include:
• Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for height, body
type, age, and activity level
• Intense fear of weight gain or being “fat”
• Feeling “fat” or overweight despite dramatic weight loss
• Loss of menstrual periods
• Extreme concern with body weight and shape

The other common eating disorder is known as Bulimia and is characterized by a secretive cycle of binge eating followed by purging.
Bulimia includes eating large amounts of food–more than most people would eat in one meal–in short periods of time, then getting rid of the food and calories through vomiting, laxative abuse, or overexercising.  Typical symptoms include:
• Repeated episodes of bingeing and purging
• Feeling out of control during a binge and eating beyond the point of comfortable fullness
• Purging after a binge, (typically by self-induced vomiting, abuse of laxatives, diet pills
and/or diuretics, excessive exercise, or fasting)
• Frequent dieting
• Extreme concern with body weight and shape

Binge eating has also been on the rise lately and is also known as compulsive overeating.  This disorder is distinguished primarily by periods of uncontrolled, impulsive, or continuous eating beyond the point of feeling comfortably full. People who binge eat often feel shameful or guilty after a binge. While there is no purging, there may be sporadic fasts or repetitive diets and often feelings of shame or self-hatred after a binge.  Body weight may vary from normal to mild, moderate, or severe obesity.  Binging is often a secretive disorder.

10 ways to feel good being YOU!
This list is a start to help you turn negative body image thought into positive ones.  Learn how to feel good in your skin.
Appreciate your body and everything that you can do.  Be happy you can walk, sing, dance, cook, breathe, laugh, dream!

Write down at least 5 things that you like about yourself, they can be things that you are good at. Or something that you have talent for.  Remember not everyone has the same qualities as you.  These qualities make you unique and special.  Read this often, and feel free to change it or add on!

Remember that your ‘beauty’ is not just on the outside. Feeling confident and good about yourself projects onto others.  Everyone has flaws and insecurities, these are normal.  Your physical look doesn’t define who you become or what you are capable of.  Beauty doesn’t create ideas or concepts to change the world.  Let your inner thoughts and voice guide you.

Look at yourself at a complete person. Don’t just look at your image in the mirror or the number on the scale.  Don’t let a number define you.  See yourself the way you want others to see you.  Picture yourself as smart, confident, and sure of yourself and soon others will be too.

Create a positive environment to flourish in.  Surround yourself with happy, optimistic people who allow you to be you.  Seek support and friends who recognize your talents, skills, and accomplishments.

Turn off the bad thoughts. You aren’t a bad person because you had a piece of cake, or even five pieces of cake!  If you have a good heart with good intentions, you can overpower negative thoughts with positive ones.  So what if you indulged?!  It’s okay, that happens.  Instead of feeling guilty, think about something you did that affected another person positively.  Remind yourself that food doesn’t become you.  Don’t tear yourself down! Build yourself up with encouraging thoughts.
 

Become a critical viewer of the media. These images are huge misconceptions of the typical woman.  The average model is 98% thinner than the average woman.  These images are unfair and create negative body image associations for women.  Don’t let advertisements make you upset.  Protest these messages because people are listening!  Write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image.
 

Do something nice for yourself. Appreciate everything your body has done for you.  Take a nap, bubble bath, relax, have a massage, etc.  Don’t spend time worrying about food, calories and weight.  Take up a hobby, volunteering is a great way to reach out to others and in turn make you feel better about yourself.  Make a positive change.

Live in the moment. Take advantage of any opportunity that may present itself.  You may develop a passion or a liking for something to keep you occupied.
Remember: “The beauty of life is that you don’t have to be modernly beautiful to live it.” –C.S. Lewis

Getting help
If you personally think that you may have some type of eating disorder check out this website for great resources and guides to getting better, or if you think someone you know may have an eating disorder follow this link to learn what to do and how you can help: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Here is a questionnaire to help access a possible eating disorder:
http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/questionnaire.php

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Posted in Eating Disorders, Health & Wellness, Other Mental Health, Teen Life

National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month

Posted on February 7, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

By: Monique Volz

Valentine’s day can be filled with those happy, head over heels, in love feelings.  It’s a time to celebrate the relationship that you’re in, and why you find the other person whom you are involved with to be so fantastic.  But what about those teens who aren’t in healthy relationships?  What if your valentine’s day is filled with fear, anxiety, and stress? 

February is National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness month, which presents the perfect opportunity to explore dating violence and how you can avoid becoming a victim.

The fact is, we all are valuable people deserving of respect and love, and above all we are in control of the choices we make.  Identifying the early warning signs of an abusive relationship can be valuable when it comes to choosing your partner.  Early warning signs include: extreme jealousy, controlling behavior, mood swings, substance abuse, isolation, use of force, verbal abuse, extreme sensitivity among others.

If you suspect that someone you know is involved in an abusive relationship some typical signs include: physical injuries, failing grades, changes in mood, substance abuse, emotional sensitivity, and isolation.

In a relationship you want to be happy and healthy.  You want to have the freedom to consult your partner without hesitation or fear.  Your partner should always have your best interest at heart.  More commonly teens are beginning to experience dating violence and abuse. In fact 1 in 3 teens have or will be involved in an abusive relationship.  Educate yourself and inform your friends! There is never an excuse to be violent towards the person you love.  NO MATTER WHAT!

Most importantly, always trust your instincts.  Your own intuition is often right.

If someone is hurting you or scaring you, you should talk to someone about how you feel and what is happening.  Tell anyone.  It’s important for you to be heard and for the abuse or violence to stop.

A great resource for teens is the website www.loveisrespect.org which provides a resources for you to consult if you have any questions or need help. 
The National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. is: 800-799-7233

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Posted in Health & Wellness, Teen Life

Don’t Be SAD, Learn About Seasonal Affective Disorder!

Posted on January 25, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

January is often the least favorite month for many, as it is the middle of most people’s winter season.  It is known to be a time with subzero temperatures in Minnesota, and sometimes referred to as the “dead of winter”.  Moreover, with the sun setting before you can even eat dinner, there isn’t much time to enjoy the day. 

For some people, these details can trigger seasonal affective disorder, which is a form of depression that occurs in relation to the seasons.  Symptoms of this disorder include: decreased energy levels in the afternoon, carbohydrate cravings that can often lead to weight gain, increased sleep with excessive daytime sleepiness, and a decrease of interest in work or other activities.

According to Mayo Clinic staff, here are some things you can do to help you cope with seasonal affective disorder:

Make your environment sunnier and brighter. Open the blinds in your bedroom or other rooms in the house you feel you are in frequently and sit closer to bright windows while at home.  Get outside. Take a long walk, cross-country ski on a sunny day, and even on cold or cloudy days, outdoor light can help — especially if you spend some time outside within two hours of getting up in the morning.  Exercise regularly. Physical exercise helps relieve stress and anxiety, both of which can increase seasonal affective disorder symptoms. Being more fit can make you feel better about yourself, too, which can lift your mood. 

With the help of these coping strategies, you could be on your healthy track to overcome your seasonal affective disorder and feeling more happy, energetic, and see an increase in your productivity.

By: Jared Scharpen

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Posted in Uncategorized

Feel Like A Kid Again… Literally

Posted on January 25, 2011 by anxiet6| Leave a comment

Being a student can be extremely stressful whether you are in middle school, high school or college. There is so much pressure to be a good student and achieve good marks while also trying to make friends, succeed in extracurricular activities, have a job to make money and somehow find time in there to sleep. I have seen so many of my friends struggle with anxiety when they are facing so much pressure from either themselves or their families. There has to be some way to feel better, but where do you even begin?

Think back to when you were just a kid, long before you even knew what the word anxiety meant. Remember all of the silly things you did that were an absolute blast and made you feel fantastic? Go back to that! Seriously, who is stopping you from acting like a kid again other than yourself? Have a snowball fight (especially if you live in Minnesota like I do), buy a couple of coloring books and a box of crayons and color outside the lines, build a fort out of blankets or boxes, log roll down a really big hill, prank call someone or  make up your own code language. I’ve done just about all of these over the past few years and nothing makes you feel better.

Kids are often seen as the ones who have so much to learn, but it seems that we can learn just as much from them.  If they have the key to happiness and avoiding anxiety, perhaps we should take their lead. Now, if you will excuse me I think I’m going to make a Lego village.

By: Christine Skopec

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Posted in Health & Wellness, Other Mental Health, Teen Life